I acted on it.
I need a change and hope a gradual one will to the trick, that I don't have to jump out of this life and start a whole new one.
I started a new hobby, which probably does not seem anything big, but is very much so. Starting something from the beginning is not easy for a control freak like me. It is so hard to accept that learning is a process which includes mistakes and in this case wrong positions, steps, hits, kicks and so on.
Doing something I am not good at makes me feel so vulnerable, and I hate that feeling. And it is not as if I don't feel vulnerable in my normal everyday life already. At least in this new hobby of mine I can see the hits coming at me, predict them on others behavior.
I would give so much to be able to dodge the bullet in real life too. But it's too late this time. I hope I heal. I know it won't be as fast as the bruising from last nights training, but a year, five, ten years?
Please, I want to get over it!
I need a change and hope a gradual one will to the trick, that I don't have to jump out of this life and start a whole new one.
I started a new hobby, which probably does not seem anything big, but is very much so. Starting something from the beginning is not easy for a control freak like me. It is so hard to accept that learning is a process which includes mistakes and in this case wrong positions, steps, hits, kicks and so on.
Doing something I am not good at makes me feel so vulnerable, and I hate that feeling. And it is not as if I don't feel vulnerable in my normal everyday life already. At least in this new hobby of mine I can see the hits coming at me, predict them on others behavior.
I would give so much to be able to dodge the bullet in real life too. But it's too late this time. I hope I heal. I know it won't be as fast as the bruising from last nights training, but a year, five, ten years?
Please, I want to get over it!
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